Some time ago, I published this post on my YA blog, A Night's Dream of Books. I eventually withdrew it because it seemed to me that it was much too 'heavy' a topic for that blog. Since MindSpirit Book Journeys is a blog dedicated to 'heavy' topics to some extent, I have decided to re-publish the post here.
Another reason I have decided to do this is that I feel very strongly about this issue. These books simply send out the wrong message to women -- that abuse is somehow "romantic", and thus, to be tolerated, and even ENJOYED. I feel that, if I see something evil going on in the world, whether it be racism, injustice, the raping of the planet, or the mistreatment of women, I should speak out about it. This is definitely an issue I feel VERY strongly about. Abuse of ANY TYPE toward women is just WRONG. And this trilogy not only presents sexual abuse as OKAY, it even GLAMORIZES it.
Although my other blog is mostly dedicated to YA Fiction, I do tend to be a rather eclectic reader. I enjoy reading romance novels of various types, including paranormal, historical, contemporary, Young Adult, and inspirational. In recent years, I have begun to shy away from adult romance novels, and started reading more YA romance novels, because of the overly graphic sex scenes, as well as foul language, in the adult novels. Needless to say, I refuse to read erotica, and the reason for that is what is known as "kinky sex". I don't like reading all the minute details of an act that is, in reality, sacred, if performed by people who are in love and truly committed to each other. The erotica genre, however, is all too frequently full of perverted sex, which is sex that, for the most part, does not contain the two ingredients I have just mentioned. Therefore, such things as "threesomes" will be found in this genre. This is totally disgusting! And then, of course, there's BDSM.
These four letters stand for some totally sick acts, supposedly engaged in through mutual consent. I fail to see how such could be the case with psychologically healthy individuals. After all, the "S" in this acronym stands for "sadism", and the "M" for "masochism".
After some Google research, I came across some articles on the subject of BDSM and the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. The first of these is posted on the Psychology Today website. While it does state that people who mutually consent to these practices seem to be happy and well-adjusted, I'm sorry, but I find this VERY hard to believe. The article also states that BDSM practices still carry social stigma. There are also two graphs included that show the percentages of male vs. female dominants, as well as male vs. female submissives. How interesting......48% of men take the dominant role, while only 8% of women do so. I was, however, appalled to find that 76% of women take the submissive role! I really wonder if they do this out of their own free will.....Now this doesn't mean I think there should be more female dominants. I think that ANYONE who indulges in these activities needs psychological treatment, whatever the Psychology Today article may state. While this might seem to be a very extreme statement, I do believe that feeling pleasure either in the inflicting of pain, or having it inflicted, is simply perverted, deviant sex. Most people do their utmost to avoid pain, instead of deriving sexual pleasure from it. You can find the Psychology Today article HERE.
It's certainly very clear that, in the case of the Fifty Shades of Grey books, the female protagonist (Anastasia Steele, who has a VERY ironic name) is seduced and coerced into participating in these activities. Christian Grey, the narcissistic, self-indulgent, cynical player with tons of money, has lots of sexual experience, particularly in the area of BDSM, having been "initiated" by an older woman when he was a teenager. Later on in the books, his controlling, abusive behavior is "excused" due to the fact that he himself was abused by this older woman. Oh, the poor little abuser......
A very recent study published in the Journal of Women's Health supports the views of all of us who strongly object to these books, as well as the movie. Here's a quote from the article, found in the section titled "Emotional/psychological abuse": "Christian controls all aspects of the couple's relationship using the emotional abuse tactics of stalking, isolation, intimidation/threats, and humiliation." Under another section, titled "Sexual violence", there is this frightening quote: "Sexual violence is pervasive across the couple's 13 sexual encounters -- including Christian's use of alcohol to compromise Anastasia's consent and his use of intimidation (Christian initiates sexual encounters when angry, and dismisses Anastasia's boundaries)." You can access the entire article HERE.
Although I have not read any of the books, I HAVE read one excerpt from Fifty Shades of Grey, which was posted online. It was crass. It was sickening. And it showed that Grey is definitely an abusive, controlling man who manipulates and wears down the defenses of this young woman who is so inexplicably drawn to him....(Why, oh, why, is she SO drawn to him? It can't be because of the sexy way he fastens her wrists to the wall....)
I have also read the complete plot summary of each book, on Wikipedia. I have given more details below.
Here are some quotes from the first novel, taken from the article published in the Journal of Women's Health: "I want you....and you want me....you wouldn't be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn't." (pg. 111); "Anastasia: 'You scare me when you're angry.' Christian: 'Turn around. I want to get you out of that dress." (pp. 262-263); "Anastasia: 'Please don't hit me....I don't want you to spank me, not here, not now.' (pg. 347) Surrounding the ensuing sex, Christian intimidates through clenched teeth: 'This will be quick, and it's for me, not for you. Do you understand? Don't come or I will spank you.' (pg. 349)"
From the quotes above, it should be abundantly clear that this is, indeed, an abusive relationship, and that Christian Grey (another very ironic name...) is very obviously the abuser.
The group Morality In Media has voiced strong objections to the rating received by the Fifty Shades movie. Here's a quote from an article in Entertainment Weekly: "The group argued: 'We'd like to change the MPAA rating for "Fifty Shades of Grey" to read: 'Promotes torture as sexually gratifying, graphic nudity, encourages stalking and abuse of power, promotes female inequality, glamorizes and legitimizes violence against women.'" {italics mine} The entire article can be found HERE.
I have also read the Wikipedia articles for all three books in this trilogy. Each article includes a complete plot summary of each book, so I'm aware of what takes place in each. Incredibly, toward the end of the third book, Anastasia and Christian have gotten married, had a son, and are expecting a second child. Everything in their lives is just hunky dory..... So this means that gullible, inexperienced, virginal Anastasia has succeeded in making a reality THE favorite female fantasy -- "redeeming" a bad boy with the power of her love..... But this is too tame of a label to put on Christian Grey. He is AN ABUSER. And ABUSERS are not, CANNOT be, redeemed "by the power of the right woman's love". This is just fine for romance novels, to a point. However, in the erotica genre, the implausibility of such an event is even MORE obvious. In reality, ABUSERS do NOT change unless THEY somehow realize that their behavior is hurting the woman they're either dating, or married to. Then, upon this realization, if they follow through with therapy, and STICK WITH IT, there's a real possibility that they can change. But their women's love will have had nothing to do with that.
In REAL life, women who are either married to, or in relationships with, abusive, controlling men, end up either dead, or in a women's shelter, constantly afraid that the men will find them. They DO NOT end up happily married to a COMPLETELY CHANGED man. This hard reality was mentioned, over and over, during the 2015 Twitter campaign against the movie. The campaign, which was started by feminists -- please note, FEMINISTS -- has encouraged people to donate $50.00 to a women's shelter, instead of spending it on this sick movie. The response has been overwhelming, as you can see by clicking on the link for the Google search page below.
This is the most terrible thing about this trilogy, as well as the new movie version of the first book -- the LIE that abusive men can be transformed by the power of their women's love. This blatant lie, first promulgated through print, is now reaching an even wider audience through this film, which gives visual power to all of the sickening activities! Abuse has been glamorized on the silver screen, and the filmmakers even had the unmitigated GALL to release the film just in time for Valentine's Day!!! What a slap in the face to women all over the world! It was as if the filmmakers were saying that the PERFECT Valentine's Day gift for a woman is being tied up, degraded, humiliated, hurt, manipulated, and controlled by the man in her life!!!!
As a FEMINIST, as a woman who has experienced verbal and emotional abuse, and was nearly abused physically as well, I am totally APPALLED, as well as disturbed and ANGRY, that so many women and girls have made these books so popular. I don't understand why all of these females have just taken in all this GARBAGE with such enthusiasm. Would African-Americans openly embrace books and movies in which they saw members of their ethnic group degraded and abused, and cheer in the process? What's wrong with these women? Haven't they EVER heard of the feminist movement? The empowerment of women?
Throughout the first book, Christian Grey keeps insisting that Anastasia sign a contract in which she will "AGREE" (but of course she's been COERCED to do this) to give him FULL CONTROL of their relationship!! HE calls ALL the shots! She might protest, but he will ALWAYS override her objections! Is this ROMANTIC? Is this something to be blissfully sighed over?
To think that these books were inspired by The Twilight Saga, which is indeed a beautiful love story!
Dr. Miriam Grossman, MD, published a letter to young people about Fifty Shades, on her website. Here are some interesting quotes from that letter:
"1.) Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.
No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected, and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about...wedding gowns, not handcuffs.
2.) Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.
Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself. If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.
3.) Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.
Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice -- and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision. {Blogger's Note: I disagree with this point. Christian coerced, intimidated, and manipulated Anastasia, so she did NOT have free choice.}
4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.
I doubt that. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgment....Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing a legal agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long-time abuser. {Blogger's Note: Here, Dr. Grossman is actually supporting my point about Anastasia's inability to choose freely. She is thereby contradicting herself.}
5.) Christian's emotional problems are cured by Anastasia's love.
Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn't change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally-disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker."
The complete letter can be accessed HERE.
I REFUSE to read any of the books in this trilogy, and encourage others, especially women, to do the same. And by the way, critics have even blasted the books as being poorly written. In other words, they're PURE GARBAGE. So what's the appeal?
I firmly encourage any SANE woman coming across these books to refrain from reading them. The same goes for the movie. The way to defeat the patriarchy is precisely by NOT appreciating the blatant abuse of women -- ANY women, of whatever age group, ethnic identity, or religious affiliation.
Another reason I have decided to do this is that I feel very strongly about this issue. These books simply send out the wrong message to women -- that abuse is somehow "romantic", and thus, to be tolerated, and even ENJOYED. I feel that, if I see something evil going on in the world, whether it be racism, injustice, the raping of the planet, or the mistreatment of women, I should speak out about it. This is definitely an issue I feel VERY strongly about. Abuse of ANY TYPE toward women is just WRONG. And this trilogy not only presents sexual abuse as OKAY, it even GLAMORIZES it.
Although my other blog is mostly dedicated to YA Fiction, I do tend to be a rather eclectic reader. I enjoy reading romance novels of various types, including paranormal, historical, contemporary, Young Adult, and inspirational. In recent years, I have begun to shy away from adult romance novels, and started reading more YA romance novels, because of the overly graphic sex scenes, as well as foul language, in the adult novels. Needless to say, I refuse to read erotica, and the reason for that is what is known as "kinky sex". I don't like reading all the minute details of an act that is, in reality, sacred, if performed by people who are in love and truly committed to each other. The erotica genre, however, is all too frequently full of perverted sex, which is sex that, for the most part, does not contain the two ingredients I have just mentioned. Therefore, such things as "threesomes" will be found in this genre. This is totally disgusting! And then, of course, there's BDSM.
These four letters stand for some totally sick acts, supposedly engaged in through mutual consent. I fail to see how such could be the case with psychologically healthy individuals. After all, the "S" in this acronym stands for "sadism", and the "M" for "masochism".
After some Google research, I came across some articles on the subject of BDSM and the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. The first of these is posted on the Psychology Today website. While it does state that people who mutually consent to these practices seem to be happy and well-adjusted, I'm sorry, but I find this VERY hard to believe. The article also states that BDSM practices still carry social stigma. There are also two graphs included that show the percentages of male vs. female dominants, as well as male vs. female submissives. How interesting......48% of men take the dominant role, while only 8% of women do so. I was, however, appalled to find that 76% of women take the submissive role! I really wonder if they do this out of their own free will.....Now this doesn't mean I think there should be more female dominants. I think that ANYONE who indulges in these activities needs psychological treatment, whatever the Psychology Today article may state. While this might seem to be a very extreme statement, I do believe that feeling pleasure either in the inflicting of pain, or having it inflicted, is simply perverted, deviant sex. Most people do their utmost to avoid pain, instead of deriving sexual pleasure from it. You can find the Psychology Today article HERE.
It's certainly very clear that, in the case of the Fifty Shades of Grey books, the female protagonist (Anastasia Steele, who has a VERY ironic name) is seduced and coerced into participating in these activities. Christian Grey, the narcissistic, self-indulgent, cynical player with tons of money, has lots of sexual experience, particularly in the area of BDSM, having been "initiated" by an older woman when he was a teenager. Later on in the books, his controlling, abusive behavior is "excused" due to the fact that he himself was abused by this older woman. Oh, the poor little abuser......
A very recent study published in the Journal of Women's Health supports the views of all of us who strongly object to these books, as well as the movie. Here's a quote from the article, found in the section titled "Emotional/psychological abuse": "Christian controls all aspects of the couple's relationship using the emotional abuse tactics of stalking, isolation, intimidation/threats, and humiliation." Under another section, titled "Sexual violence", there is this frightening quote: "Sexual violence is pervasive across the couple's 13 sexual encounters -- including Christian's use of alcohol to compromise Anastasia's consent and his use of intimidation (Christian initiates sexual encounters when angry, and dismisses Anastasia's boundaries)." You can access the entire article HERE.
Although I have not read any of the books, I HAVE read one excerpt from Fifty Shades of Grey, which was posted online. It was crass. It was sickening. And it showed that Grey is definitely an abusive, controlling man who manipulates and wears down the defenses of this young woman who is so inexplicably drawn to him....(Why, oh, why, is she SO drawn to him? It can't be because of the sexy way he fastens her wrists to the wall....)
I have also read the complete plot summary of each book, on Wikipedia. I have given more details below.
Here are some quotes from the first novel, taken from the article published in the Journal of Women's Health: "I want you....and you want me....you wouldn't be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn't." (pg. 111); "Anastasia: 'You scare me when you're angry.' Christian: 'Turn around. I want to get you out of that dress." (pp. 262-263); "Anastasia: 'Please don't hit me....I don't want you to spank me, not here, not now.' (pg. 347) Surrounding the ensuing sex, Christian intimidates through clenched teeth: 'This will be quick, and it's for me, not for you. Do you understand? Don't come or I will spank you.' (pg. 349)"
From the quotes above, it should be abundantly clear that this is, indeed, an abusive relationship, and that Christian Grey (another very ironic name...) is very obviously the abuser.
The group Morality In Media has voiced strong objections to the rating received by the Fifty Shades movie. Here's a quote from an article in Entertainment Weekly: "The group argued: 'We'd like to change the MPAA rating for "Fifty Shades of Grey" to read: 'Promotes torture as sexually gratifying, graphic nudity, encourages stalking and abuse of power, promotes female inequality, glamorizes and legitimizes violence against women.'" {italics mine} The entire article can be found HERE.
I have also read the Wikipedia articles for all three books in this trilogy. Each article includes a complete plot summary of each book, so I'm aware of what takes place in each. Incredibly, toward the end of the third book, Anastasia and Christian have gotten married, had a son, and are expecting a second child. Everything in their lives is just hunky dory..... So this means that gullible, inexperienced, virginal Anastasia has succeeded in making a reality THE favorite female fantasy -- "redeeming" a bad boy with the power of her love..... But this is too tame of a label to put on Christian Grey. He is AN ABUSER. And ABUSERS are not, CANNOT be, redeemed "by the power of the right woman's love". This is just fine for romance novels, to a point. However, in the erotica genre, the implausibility of such an event is even MORE obvious. In reality, ABUSERS do NOT change unless THEY somehow realize that their behavior is hurting the woman they're either dating, or married to. Then, upon this realization, if they follow through with therapy, and STICK WITH IT, there's a real possibility that they can change. But their women's love will have had nothing to do with that.
In REAL life, women who are either married to, or in relationships with, abusive, controlling men, end up either dead, or in a women's shelter, constantly afraid that the men will find them. They DO NOT end up happily married to a COMPLETELY CHANGED man. This hard reality was mentioned, over and over, during the 2015 Twitter campaign against the movie. The campaign, which was started by feminists -- please note, FEMINISTS -- has encouraged people to donate $50.00 to a women's shelter, instead of spending it on this sick movie. The response has been overwhelming, as you can see by clicking on the link for the Google search page below.
This is the most terrible thing about this trilogy, as well as the new movie version of the first book -- the LIE that abusive men can be transformed by the power of their women's love. This blatant lie, first promulgated through print, is now reaching an even wider audience through this film, which gives visual power to all of the sickening activities! Abuse has been glamorized on the silver screen, and the filmmakers even had the unmitigated GALL to release the film just in time for Valentine's Day!!! What a slap in the face to women all over the world! It was as if the filmmakers were saying that the PERFECT Valentine's Day gift for a woman is being tied up, degraded, humiliated, hurt, manipulated, and controlled by the man in her life!!!!
As a FEMINIST, as a woman who has experienced verbal and emotional abuse, and was nearly abused physically as well, I am totally APPALLED, as well as disturbed and ANGRY, that so many women and girls have made these books so popular. I don't understand why all of these females have just taken in all this GARBAGE with such enthusiasm. Would African-Americans openly embrace books and movies in which they saw members of their ethnic group degraded and abused, and cheer in the process? What's wrong with these women? Haven't they EVER heard of the feminist movement? The empowerment of women?
Throughout the first book, Christian Grey keeps insisting that Anastasia sign a contract in which she will "AGREE" (but of course she's been COERCED to do this) to give him FULL CONTROL of their relationship!! HE calls ALL the shots! She might protest, but he will ALWAYS override her objections! Is this ROMANTIC? Is this something to be blissfully sighed over?
To think that these books were inspired by The Twilight Saga, which is indeed a beautiful love story!
Dr. Miriam Grossman, MD, published a letter to young people about Fifty Shades, on her website. Here are some interesting quotes from that letter:
"1.) Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.
No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected, and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about...wedding gowns, not handcuffs.
2.) Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.
Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself. If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.
3.) Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.
Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice -- and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision. {Blogger's Note: I disagree with this point. Christian coerced, intimidated, and manipulated Anastasia, so she did NOT have free choice.}
4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.
I doubt that. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgment....Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing a legal agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long-time abuser. {Blogger's Note: Here, Dr. Grossman is actually supporting my point about Anastasia's inability to choose freely. She is thereby contradicting herself.}
5.) Christian's emotional problems are cured by Anastasia's love.
Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn't change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally-disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker."
The complete letter can be accessed HERE.
I REFUSE to read any of the books in this trilogy, and encourage others, especially women, to do the same. And by the way, critics have even blasted the books as being poorly written. In other words, they're PURE GARBAGE. So what's the appeal?
I firmly encourage any SANE woman coming across these books to refrain from reading them. The same goes for the movie. The way to defeat the patriarchy is precisely by NOT appreciating the blatant abuse of women -- ANY women, of whatever age group, ethnic identity, or religious affiliation.
Online Links for the Campaign
Against 50 Shades
Please note that this is a very
controversial topic,
and this post contains my
opinions on the subject,
which I have supported with
several Internet articles.
If your own opinion
differs from mine, at least do
consider the fact that the
patriarchy has negatively influenced
all aspects of human culture,
including sexual activities.
