Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Why the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy Is Abuse



Some time ago, I published this post on my YA blog, A Night's Dream of Books. I eventually withdrew it because it seemed to me that it was much too 'heavy' a topic for that blog. Since MindSpirit Book Journeys is a blog dedicated to 'heavy' topics to some extent, I have decided to re-publish the post here. 

Another reason I have decided to do this is that I feel very strongly about this issue. These books simply send out the wrong message to women -- that abuse is somehow "romantic", and thus, to be tolerated, and even ENJOYED. I feel that, if I see something evil going on in the world, whether it be racism, injustice, the raping of the planet, or the mistreatment of women, I should speak out about it. This is definitely an issue I feel VERY strongly about. Abuse of ANY TYPE toward women is just WRONG. And this trilogy not only presents sexual abuse as OKAY, it even GLAMORIZES it.

Although my other blog is mostly dedicated to YA Fiction, I do tend to be a rather eclectic reader. I enjoy reading romance novels of various types, including paranormal, historical, contemporary, Young Adult, and inspirational. In recent years, I have begun to shy away from adult romance novels, and started reading more YA  romance novels, because of the overly graphic sex scenes, as well as foul language, in the adult novels. Needless to say, I refuse to read erotica, and the reason for that is what is known as "kinky sex".  I don't like reading all the minute details of an act that is, in reality, sacred, if performed by people who are in love and truly committed to each other. The erotica genre, however, is all too frequently full of perverted sex, which is sex that, for the most part, does not contain the two ingredients I have just mentioned. Therefore, such things as "threesomes" will be found in this genre. This is totally disgusting! And then, of course, there's BDSM.

These four letters stand for some totally sick acts, supposedly engaged in through mutual consent. I fail to see how such could be the case with psychologically healthy individuals. After all, the "S" in this acronym stands for "sadism", and the "M" for "masochism".

After some Google research, I came across some articles on the subject of BDSM and the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. The first of these is posted on the Psychology Today website. While it does state that people who mutually consent to these practices seem to be happy and well-adjusted, I'm sorry, but I find this VERY hard to believe. The article also states that BDSM practices still carry social stigma. There are also two graphs included that show the percentages of male vs. female dominants, as well as male vs. female submissives. How interesting......48% of men take the dominant role, while only 8% of women do so. I was, however, appalled to find that 76% of women take the submissive role! I really wonder if they do this out of their own free will.....Now this doesn't mean I think there should be more female dominants. I think that ANYONE who indulges in these activities needs psychological treatment, whatever the Psychology Today article may state. While this might seem to be a very extreme statement, I do believe that feeling pleasure either in the inflicting of pain, or having it inflicted, is simply perverted, deviant sex. Most people do their utmost to avoid pain, instead of deriving sexual pleasure from it. You can find the Psychology Today article HERE.  

It's certainly very clear that, in the case of the Fifty Shades of Grey books, the female protagonist (Anastasia Steele, who has a VERY ironic name) is seduced and coerced into participating in these activities. Christian Grey, the narcissistic, self-indulgent, cynical player with tons of money, has lots of sexual experience, particularly in the area of BDSM, having been "initiated" by an older woman when he was a teenager.  Later on in the books, his controlling, abusive behavior is "excused" due to the fact that he himself was abused by this older woman.  Oh, the poor little abuser......

A very recent study published in the Journal of Women's Health supports the views of all of us who strongly object to these books, as well as the movie. Here's a quote from the article, found in the section titled "Emotional/psychological abuse": "Christian controls all aspects of the couple's relationship using the emotional abuse tactics of stalking, isolation, intimidation/threats, and humiliation." Under another section, titled "Sexual violence", there is this frightening quote: "Sexual violence is pervasive across the couple's 13 sexual encounters -- including Christian's use of alcohol to compromise Anastasia's consent and his use of intimidation (Christian initiates sexual encounters when angry, and dismisses Anastasia's boundaries)." You can access the entire article HERE.

Although I have not read any of the books, I HAVE read one excerpt from Fifty Shades of Grey, which was posted online. It was crass. It was sickening. And it showed that Grey is definitely an abusive, controlling man who manipulates and wears down the defenses of this young woman who is so inexplicably drawn to him....(Why, oh, why, is she SO drawn to him? It can't be because of the sexy way he fastens her wrists to the wall....)

I have also read the complete plot summary of each book, on Wikipedia. I have given more details below.

Here are some quotes from the first novel, taken from the article published in the Journal of Women's Health: "I want you....and you want me....you wouldn't be sitting here calmly discussing punishment and hard limits if you didn't." (pg. 111); "Anastasia: 'You scare me when you're angry.' Christian: 'Turn around. I want to get you out of that dress." (pp. 262-263); "Anastasia: 'Please don't hit me....I don't want you to spank me, not here, not now.' (pg. 347) Surrounding the ensuing sex, Christian intimidates through clenched teeth: 'This will be quick, and it's for me, not for you. Do you understand? Don't come or I will spank you.' (pg. 349)"

From the quotes above, it should be abundantly clear that this is, indeed, an abusive relationship, and that Christian Grey (another very ironic name...) is very obviously the abuser.

The group Morality In Media has voiced strong objections to the rating received by the Fifty Shades movie. Here's a quote from an article in Entertainment Weekly: "The group argued: 'We'd like to change the MPAA rating for "Fifty Shades of Grey" to read: 'Promotes torture as sexually gratifying, graphic nudity, encourages stalking and abuse of power, promotes female inequality, glamorizes and legitimizes violence against women.'" {italics mine} The entire article can be found HERE.

I have also read the Wikipedia articles for all three books in this trilogy. Each article includes a complete plot summary of each book, so I'm aware of what takes place in each. Incredibly, toward the end of the third book, Anastasia and Christian have gotten married, had a son, and are expecting a second child.  Everything in their lives is just hunky dory..... So this means that gullible, inexperienced, virginal Anastasia has succeeded in making a reality THE favorite female fantasy -- "redeeming" a bad boy with the power of her love..... But this is too tame of a label to put on Christian Grey. He is AN ABUSER. And ABUSERS are not, CANNOT be, redeemed "by the power of the right woman's love". This is just fine for romance novels, to a point. However, in the erotica genre, the implausibility of such an event is even MORE obvious. In reality, ABUSERS do NOT change unless THEY somehow realize that their behavior is hurting the woman they're either dating, or married to. Then, upon this realization, if they follow through with therapy, and STICK WITH IT, there's a real possibility that they can change. But their women's love will have had nothing to do with that.

In REAL life, women who are either married to, or in relationships with, abusive, controlling men, end up either dead, or in a women's shelter, constantly afraid that the men will find them. They DO NOT end up happily married to a COMPLETELY CHANGED man. This hard reality was mentioned, over and over, during the 2015 Twitter campaign against the movie. The campaign, which was started by feminists -- please note, FEMINISTS -- has encouraged people to donate $50.00 to a women's shelter, instead of spending it on this sick movie. The response has been overwhelming, as you can see by clicking on the link for the Google search page below. 

This is the most terrible thing about this trilogy, as well as the new movie version of the first book -- the LIE that abusive men can be transformed by the power of their women's love. This blatant lie, first promulgated through print, is now reaching an even wider audience through this film, which gives visual power to all of the sickening activities! Abuse has been glamorized on the silver screen, and the filmmakers even had the unmitigated GALL  to release the film just in time for Valentine's Day!!! What a slap in the face to women all over the world! It was as if the filmmakers were saying that the PERFECT Valentine's Day gift for a woman is being tied up, degraded, humiliated, hurt, manipulated, and controlled by the man in her life!!!!

As a FEMINIST, as a woman who has experienced verbal and emotional abuse, and was nearly abused physically as well, I am totally APPALLED, as well as disturbed and ANGRY, that so many women and girls have made these books so popular. I don't understand why all of these females have just taken in all this GARBAGE with such enthusiasm. Would African-Americans openly embrace books and movies in which they saw members of their ethnic group  degraded and abused, and cheer in the process? What's wrong with these women? Haven't they EVER heard of the feminist movement? The empowerment of women?

Throughout the first book, Christian Grey keeps insisting that Anastasia sign a contract in which she will "AGREE" (but of course she's been COERCED to do this) to give him FULL CONTROL of their relationship!!  HE calls ALL the shots! She might protest, but he will ALWAYS override her objections!  Is this ROMANTIC? Is this something to be blissfully sighed over?

To think that these books were inspired by The Twilight Saga, which is indeed a beautiful love story! 

Dr. Miriam Grossman, MD, published a letter to young people about Fifty Shades, on her website. Here are some interesting quotes from that letter:

"1.) Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.

No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected, and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about...wedding gowns, not handcuffs.

2.) Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.

Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself. If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.

3.) Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.

Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice -- and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision. {Blogger's Note: I disagree with this point. Christian coerced, intimidated, and manipulated Anastasia, so she did NOT have free choice.}

4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.

I doubt that. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgment....Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing a legal agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long-time abuser. {Blogger's Note: Here, Dr. Grossman is actually supporting my point about Anastasia's inability to choose freely. She is thereby contradicting herself.}

5.) Christian's emotional problems are cured by Anastasia's love.

Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn't change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally-disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker."

The complete letter can be accessed HERE.

I REFUSE to read any of the books in this trilogy, and encourage others, especially women, to do the same. And by the way, critics have even blasted the books as being poorly written. In other words, they're PURE GARBAGE. So what's the appeal?

I firmly encourage any SANE woman coming across these books to refrain from reading them. The same goes for the movie. The way to defeat the patriarchy is precisely by NOT appreciating the blatant abuse of women -- ANY women, of whatever age group, ethnic identity, or religious affiliation.



Online Links for the Campaign 
Against 50 Shades




 Please note that this is a very
controversial topic,
and this post contains my
opinions on the subject,
which I have supported  with
several Internet articles.
If your own opinion
differs from mine, at least do
consider the fact that the
patriarchy has negatively influenced
all aspects of human culture,
including sexual activities.





8 comments:

Brian Joseph said...

Hey Maria - This is a great post and it is such a thought provoking topic. I do think that for many, a BDSM relationship can be healthy. A lot of sane and rational people profess to be involved in them and be happy and satisfied. This combined with the opinion of many psychologists seems to point strongly to that. No doubt, some of these relationships are abusive however.

With that I agree that the relationship depicted in these books sounds very pretty bad. I agree with many of your points, especially the fact that abusive men are almost never reformed by women and that these relationships end up harming women terribly. If the books were depicting such a relationship but were doing so from the point of view of how harmful they are, then I would be defending them. However, that does not seem to be the case.

I have not read the books or seen the film. I can see someone who is interested in sexuality and culture as well as abuse, who was critical of the message that this story is sending, reading the books from an intellectual point of view. I am interested in these topics but not enough to read the books or see the films. Aside from their message, they sounds pretty bad.

Have great week!

Maria Behar said...

Hey, Brian!

Thanks for the compliment!! :) :)

I really find it very hard to believe that people in relationships that include BDSM can be emotionally healthy, and I was very surprised by the findings of the psychologists in the article I referenced. Something just does not compute. Human beings are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. That's just the way we are. How a sane human being, whether male or female, could voluntarily submit themselves to such activities, and affirm that they actually enjoy them, seems very sick to me. So this report by psychologists really mystifies me....

I think what disturbed and angered me THE MOST was the percentage of women who actually consented to being the submissive partner in these activities -- 76%!!! That tells me that something very suspicious is going on here. WHY are there SO many women submissives in these relationships? And ONLY 8% take the dominant role!! To me, this just points to PATRIARCHAL BRAINWASHING.

I have read all three synopses of these books, on Wikipedia, as I stated in my post. So I know what goes on in these books, and it's TOTALLY sick, degrading, and just HORRIBLE.

You make a good point when you state that someone can read these novels from a purely intellectual point of view, in order to analyze the dynamics of this relationship. If I could actually do that, I would, but I just can't stomach the books.

You also make another great point in stating that, if these books had been written with the intention of criticizing Christian's and Anastasia's relationship as unhealthy, then they would have some redeeming value. Sadly, the author's intent is, instead, to glorify and glamorize this couple's sick relationship.

Although I dislike censorship, I do wish that these books had never been published. And their popularity among women really puzzles me. But then, I have come across works by so-called feminists -- like Judy Chicago and Anaïs Nin -- who actually push the idea of women as sexual objects. They might not realize they are doing (or have done) so, but that's exactly what their works demonstrate. Where are the feminists extolling female INTELLECTUAL virtues? Erica Jong is another name that comes to mind. I just really dislike this tying of sex to feminism. Isn't this perpetuating patriarchal views? But well, that's another topic entirely.

These books are not only psychologically unhealthy for women, they are also, from what critics have stated, poorly-written. So even in that sense, they are nothing but GARBAGE.

You know, something just occurred to me here. If these books had been written by someone -- whether male or female -- from a MUSLIM country, the outcry would have been IMMENSE. The fact that they were, instead, penned by someone in a Western country, who would supposedly have more enlightened, progressive views about women, makes it all the more DEPLORABLE. And the fact that they were written by a WOMAN at all, makes this not only DISGUSTING, but very puzzling.

To me, this just says that we STILL have a long way to go.....unfortunately.

Thanks for the TERRIFIC, thought-provoking comment!! <3 :)

Brian Joseph said...

Hey Maria.

I just wanted to say, you raise really good point, if this books was written by a Muslim, no matter where they were from, there would be outrage beyond belief. As I try to point out, while some people excuse Islamist abuses, others hone in on everything that relates to Muslims and do nothing but attack.

Maria Behar said...

Hi, again, Brian!

Oh, ABSOLUTELY!! Lots of people would have protested the books AND the movie, if they had been produced by a Muslim author. This is SO hypocritical!! And, as you say, it seems that people go to one extreme or the other -- either excuse ALL Islamist abuses, or attack ANYTHING coming from a Muslim. There seems to be no middle ground.

You know, I wonder why it's so typical of human nature to say that "all such-and-such people" are "thus and so". WHY do people generalize? It's such an UNFAIR and useless thing to do! You can't generalize groups of people, and condemn them all! But this still persists.... On the other hand, we CAN say that the patriarchy has been, and IS, oppressive toward women, because it's been proven true. Most countries in the world have patriarchal structures in place, and in none of them are women equal citizens.

So I guess there are some accurate generalities, after all! But perhaps the patriarchy doesn't qualify as "a group of people". But then again, it's prevalent in most countries.....So I don't know what to think! Lol. :) :)

Thanks for commenting again, and agreeing with my point in this post!! <3 :)

Daniela Ark @ BOOKIVERSE (www.danielaark.com) said...

Excellent post Maria! I do have to say I found twilight almost as bad. I did read book one of FSOG and the entire time I was NO WAY. NO WAY. NO WAY. But it was Anastasia (same as Bella) that made every single feminist molecule in me scream in outrage. There are monsters everywhere like Christian with all different kinda of sick fantasies and sick minds. (Or vampires that drink blood) and the first responsibility of any girl woman or any human being with an ounce of common sense and self respect is to stay away from these monsters. Both Christian and Edward actually ttell Anastasia and Bella very honestly that they are not good for them! Christian tells Anastasia like in page 10 “I don’t do relationships or commitment I hurt people ” but because of what u said (omg you are brilliant) that old thing about the right woman changing the monster they both (bella and Anastasia) stubbornly decide they want to stay with these two monsters!!! Bella decision to me is worth because she not only stays with a monster but decides to become a monster herself to be with him!!’
there was no reason absolutely none (she was not given alcohol) for Anastasia to even sit down and discuss this contract with such monster. or allow him to buy her presents like a laptop and a car to control her.(Edward also got Bella a car!)
I was enraged with the low self-esteem self-value amd self-respect with which the characters of Anastasia and Bella were made. And I found Bella’s character much worse’ Going into a months of depression because Edward broke up with her and then almost killing herself several times because when she was in danger she could see him???? And allowing him to stalk her snd control her because he couldn’t bear if anything happened to her??? (When he was the reason why she was in danger???) And Bella renouncing to her entire life family and friends just to be with and like Edward I really dislike the messages these two series send to Young reads. Twilight should have ended with book two! Bella should have gotten out of her depression in a few weeks realized Edward wasn’t a good choice for her, value herself more than him (not even think about harming herself to see him) value her family and friends and a beautiful love story for me would have been she falling in love with good loyal and supportive Jacob, That would be the kind if love stories I would like my daughter to read
Love this post so much!!! Thank you for taking the time to write all of it Maria!!

Maria Behar said...

Hi, Daniela!

So sorry for the late reply....I have sadly neglected this blog, I know. I really don't have the time to keep two blogs going, but I wanted to try. And I do want to post to this one, from time to time. There are books I want to review here that I don't think my readers on "A Night's Dream of Books" will be interested in.

Well, I must differ with you regarding Twilight, to be honest. I don't think that The Twilight Saga is as bad as the Fifty Shades series. In fact, for the most part, it's not that bad. True, Fifty Shades is based on the Twilight books, but then the author departed from the original story to create her own. Unfortunately, she decided to include BDSM practices, as well as abuse, in that story.

Edward is not even CLOSE to being like Christian Grey. In fact, he does his UTMOST to protect Bella as much as possible. I don't know if you've read all the Twilight books, but I can tell you, from my three readings of all four, I never for a moment thought that he was abusive toward Bella. Yeah, sometimes he was a little controlling, but it was always because he wanted to protect her. Besides, in the books, she stood up for herself a LOT. I don't think the movies included of this behavior as the books did. But Bella was definitely NOT the submissive type.

As for her depression in "New Moon", I can tell you that, when I got divorced several years ago, I went through a VERY bad depression myself. And that was in spite of the fact that I was the one who ended the marriage, because my husband was really abusive toward me. He never hit me, but DID come close on two separate occasions. Mostly he was verbally and emotionally abusive, plus he cheated on me. I still went through a depression, because I felt SO ALONE after he was gone. Now, if there had been true love in my marriage, and it ended in him leaving, my depression would have been much worse. So I can really relate to Bella!

Bella did not renounce her relationships with her family. Yes, she did distance herself from her friends, but this was only logical, if she was going to become a vampire. But she stayed in touch with Charlie, and I'm sure with Renee, as well. Stephenie Meyer left the story at the point she did, but, had she continued it, I'm sure that sooner or later Bella would have told her parents exactly what was going on. Heck, Charlie did find out, toward the end of the story, that Jacob could shift into wolf form. So I'm sure that the rest of it would have been revealed, had Meyer continued the story. (And I'm SURE many of us fans wish she would do just that!!)

I'm so glad you loved this post!! And I'm glad you're not one of those women who have made the Fifty Shades series so popular! I really can't figure them out!! Lol.

Thanks for commenting!! HUGS!! <3 <3 <3 :) :) :)

Daniela Ark @ BOOKIVERSE (www.danielaark.com) said...

I love our disagreement! I did read the books and I LOVED them! BUT then as time passed I started to see them differently in the way I described above. Maybe comparing is to FSOG is too much. :) I think sometimes I just get VERY mad at Twilight :)

Yup I wasn't talking about when she decides to become a vampire [of don't get me started with that LOL!] I was talking about that scene when she stays in her bedroom and the seasons are passing. I think it was a year! And her dad had to convince her almost force to go back to go out with her friends.

this is totally part of the nostalgic, evocative, sad, gothic theme and atmosphere SM wanted to created and did so successfully! As a person that has suffered from depression all her life and had a very bad depression as a teenager [when my parents divorced] I could TOTALLY relate BUT that was the issue I had! Teens TEND to approach emotional stages VERY drastically and I can't help but see how media [books, movies. etc] shape their reactions. I REMEMBER clearly reacting like the Spanish Soap operas my nanny and grandma used to watch when I was going through my depression. That's where my issues lie. :)

But as I said precisely because I could relate I totally loved the series [and I still do] BUT I'm convinced is a bad influence :)

I am SO SORRY to hear about your depression Maria! I wish I could hug you right now!

I totally love our debate and you!

Maria Behar said...

Hi, again, Daniela!

I've come across reviews on Goodreads where the reviewers state that, although they initially LOVED the Twilight series, they either "outgrew" it, or their feelings toward it have changed. So I wasn't really surprised when you told me that you no longer felt about it as you used to. This hasn't been the case with me, though. I STILL love these books! :)

I think that Bella's depression was to be expected. After all, she and Edward had been very close, and the way he "ended" things with her was pretty cruel. Of course, he thought he was doing the best thing for her. He figured that telling her that he no longer loved her would make her give him up, and continue to live out her human life. I'm sure he never thought she'd fall into such a depression, but, with the way he broke it off with her, she would have been in such a HUGE shock, that it was understandable she would be SEVERELY depressed.

I am so sorry to hear about your depression when your parents divorced..... That, too, is understandable. Your world was shaken up VERY badly, Daniela! It's always VERY hard on kids when their parents divorce. Your security base is pulled right from under you. My parents have never divorced (my Dad has passed on), and they had a stable, loving marriage. But I know people who weren't so lucky. It IS a major life event.

Anyway..... There are all kinds of reading tastes, and books to suit all of them! Besides, it often happens that people's feelings about a particular book or series can change over time. I don't judge you for your change of feelings about The Twilight Saga. It's just that I wanted to point out that I didn't find Edward's behavior abusive. A bit controlling, yes. But not abusive.

Btw, where are you from? Since you mentioned Spanish soap operas, I assume that you, too, are fluent in Spanish, right? I'm from Cuba myself, but I've lived in the States since the age of 9.

Thanks so much for the hugs!!! I'd love to hug you back, too!! And I LOVE our interactions, and you, right back!!! Thanks for the detailed, thoughtful comment, as well!! <3 <3 <3 :) :) :)